And it was with more education of sexuality, body positive ideas, and the love of humans I always had, today, I decide to love myself. And not just what I stand for! What I look like too.
I don’t commonly wear makeup, shave my legs only on special occasions, started recently refusing to gender-type myself, dye my hair, have zero piercings or body art, and just generally am kinda lame, but that’s okay really, because:
- I eat what makes me happy, and even though it’s not the healthiest, I do keep in mind a balance of not binge eating, not starving myself, and waiting before taking a second portion because the food needs time to reach my stomach. I’m definitely not skinny (my pants size is 24 guys) but I’m not gaining any more weight so I decided that I have found a nice equilibrium here.
- I realised that I am currently asexual with the end of my last relationship, and believe me, I thought wrong for a long time. I have never masturbated in a way that made me feel good, and since that is the main goal of the action, I stopped trying. I’ve stayed with thinking I’m asexual for almost 7 months now. It may stay with me the rest of my life, or I may develop attraction. Whatever happens, it happens! At first, this revelation horrified me. Asexuals are what, 1-3% estimated of the seven billion people in the world? That successfully narrowed my romantic partners from 7 billion to 70 million and chances are even slimmer that those people live in my vicinty or would even be remotely willing to be with me. But, after some chilling out, I came to terms that an open ended relationship would reopen me to having a sexual partner without feeling obligated to satisfy them. Cool, huh?
- After that same last relationship, I did more soul searching. I identify as androgynous, not quite male, not quite female, so that makes me not cisgendered I guess? Because I do have a vagina
the horrorrrrrbut what I do with it is my business. I paint my nails with cool designs and rock my short hair, not wear dresses and skirts, but still help my friends make fashion decisions. Just generally saying, “Fuck you, gender sterotypes!”
- I am genuinely a good person, and that’s not me being a self glorifying hipster. I enjoy helping strangers, donate my slim funds to others when I can, sacrifice my time, even when busy, to those in need or stressed, accept all gender and sexuality types without hesitation, learn willingly about all walks of life and use the knowledge I’ve obtained in my life to help every single person I can. I am aware of others’ feelings, you could even call me hyperaware because I am an empath and generally absorb the feelings of a crowd or friend I am in proximity with. I use this to make sure that all my friends and people I admire are at least feeling like they can make it another day. I’ve stopped three people from committing suicide by being aware. That makes me feel awesome!
Thank you, thank you, thank you to all my friends who helped me to this point. I’ve been at the edge of insanity, had a second person in my head egging me into releasing suppressed rage, wanted to end my life, and all you very awesome people are why I’m still here and can say today, that I do love myself.